From the moment we find out we are expecting a child, we automatically become a charter member of a popular club called “The Worrywarts”. Our focus is automatically targeted on our own actions. We worry about the glass of wine we had two days before we found out we are pregnant. We worry about what we eat, what we do or not do, what we need to do, and the list goes on…… After the baby is born, we elect ourself an officer in “The Worrywarts” for life.

Dad’s generally become members of the “The Worrywarts” later in the child’s life. It begins with mom’s worry and escalates as the child grows. Dads tend to worry internally while moms just can’t keep seem to keep their mouths shut.

I could list all the issues in a boring bullet point format that babies and kids might face. Assuming most people won’t even read it, and if they do, they will worry more so you won’t find the bullet point on my website.

There are many issues kids face today. I think we all know there are many more than when we were kids. Addressing these is what I do…

Bottom line, I am about accountability and behavior. Kids must learn at an early age what accountability means, and they must learn that behavior affects others as well as themselves. Entitlement isn’t appealing and even children need to make their own choices.

I am a friend and advisor to “The Worrywart” club. I work with parents who are frustrated, concerned, fearful, angry, fed up, scared, or even want to jump out of a window. Parents know their children, and they know when something isn’t right. I trust this instinct and work from there.

From infants through age 18, I will walk down a path of discovery with parents as well as children…Finding solutions and peace.

From the moment we find out we are expecting a child, we automatically become a charter member of a popular club called “The Worrywarts”. Our focus is automatically targeted on our own actions. We worry about the glass of wine we had two days before we found out we are pregnant. We worry about what we eat, what we do or not do, what we need to do, and the list goes on…… After the baby is born, we elect ourself an officer in “The Worrywarts” for life.

Dad’s generally become members of the “The Worrywarts” later in the child’s life. It begins with mom’s worry and escalates as the child grows. Dads tend to worry internally while moms just can’t keep seem to keep their mouths shut.

I could list all the issues in a boring bullet point format that babies and kids might face. Assuming most people won’t even read it, and if they do, they will worry more so you won’t find the bullet point on my website.

There are many issues kids face today. I think we all know there are many more than when we were kids. Addressing these is what I do…

Bottom line, I am about accountability and behavior. Kids must learn at an early age what accountability means, and they must learn that behavior affects others as well as themselves. Entitlement isn’t appealing and even children need to make their own choices.

I am a friend and advisor to “The Worrywart” club. I work with parents who are frustrated, concerned, fearful, angry, fed up, scared, or even want to jump out of a window. Parents know their children, and they know when something isn’t right. I trust this instinct and work from there.

From infants through age 18, I will walk down a path of discovery with parents as well as children…Finding solutions and peace.

Young adults not only are facing issues horrifying to most, but this is also a time where physiological, sexual, cognitive, and emotional changes are taking place. The transition from adolescence to adulthood is a process, and one that isn’t easy. Brains are not fully developed until the age of 25, which only adds to the complexity and confusion. 

The desire to achieve independence while remaining closely linked to one’s family complicates the family dynamic. Wanting to make “my own choices,” yet needing financial assistance from parents is a common denominator with young adults. 

Many mental health conditions can emerge in the late teens and early twenties, further complicating an already difficult period of life. Issues such as depression, alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, and problematic psychological distress can occur.

When children reach 18, parents don’t have a magical button hidden in their bellybuttons they can push and make the worry regarding their kids goes away. Similarly, young adults don’t have a button they can push and become successful adults. Young adults need assistance in the growing up department. They have, more than ever, questions about life, relationships, choices, options, and themselves. Many times, they don’t want to ask their parents out of “not wanting to worry them” or “not wanting to hear a lecture”.   

Young adults need someone they can trust, feel comfortable with, confide in, and hear the truth from. 

I am committed in walking down the road of self-discovery with the young adults who come in my office.

There seems to be a misconception that needing counseling is crazy, but this is far from true. There are several reasons why people may seek counseling.
Most people who seek professional help from a life coach or therapist are experiencing some sort of crisis. This includes losses: loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, job loss, etc. Other crises include abuse, victimization, trauma, an episode of mental illness, a diagnosis of physical illness or disability, addiction, or a stressful situation that has reached the breaking point.

Some people reach out when they are going through a major life transition and either need help adjusting or would like to proactively approach their new situation. Major life transitions include leaving home and adjusting to adulthood, choosing a career, preparing for marriage, becoming a parent, coping with an illness or disability, or transitioning to retirement.

When the dust settles after a crisis, many people finally realize that they feel stuck: they keep repeating the same bad relationships or the same bad decisions or the same emotional rollercoaster rides. They feel powerless to make different decisions or change their situation; they run out of people to blame, they are tired of being in the victim mode and truly desire to gain insight into taking control back in their own life.

Yes, I am a sounding board, but I also feel people already know what they need to do, and their own fear is what stands in the way of them making difficult life decisions.

Beginning an untraveled journey is scary. Many people would rather stay stuck than to risk allowing intimate feelings they deny to come to the surface. Being able to set priorities, validate feelings, realize it is not just you, consider choices and consequences, learn decision-making processes and problem-solving techniques, all of these things have been proven to pay off in the long run. You deserve to be the best you can be….hard work and all.

I could create a boring bullet point list of what issues I address in couples’ sessions. Not only do people already know the difficulties and statistics of breakups, I highly doubt my list would be read. 

Relationships can be hell at times. Plain and simple. Couples come to me either distressed over a kid, an ex, in-laws, family, partner, ex-partner…you get it. It is the “issue” in each case that needs to be discovered. Communication, expectations, money, kids, blended families, intimacy, cheating, anger, substance abuse, alcohol, and the list goes on….

I have learned over the years, when people come into my office, what they think is the “issue”, isn’t. It takes us some digging (hand in hand) to get to the core. When the core is discovered, then the process of self-discovery begins , followed by truths about relationships. 

The Beatles were wrong, love is not all you need. 

Relationships are complicated. Love is subjective, making its definition different for each person. Love can be a behavior, a feeling, or both. It fluctuates in intensity, and is extremely difficult to describe. We all get caught up in “love”. The meaning, who we love, how we love, what we love and when we withdraw our love, varies. And love is hurtful at times. 

When this thing we are dealing with daily called Life throws us curve balls, love is not all a relationship needs. Communication, commitment, vulnerability, forgiveness, respect, reciprocity, compromise, compliments, listening, and I am sure you can name more, are also needed. Again, these too are subjective, leading to complication in relationships. 

Bottom line, every human being wants to feel as though they are heard. They want to matter enough for the person they love to not only hear them but to act on what was said. 

By themselves, relationships are not complicated. We make them complicated. We create the drama, and then wake up in the home we built – the home we designed by our choices, expectations, and decisions. There is no perfect “home”.  You can always re-create and re-design the contents in the home you built, but it all begins with a desire to do so. Your relationship is worth it.

Every family has something. “Something” that leads us to feel embarrassed, ashamed, horrified, disappointed, worried, sad, angry, bitter, or resentful about. Trying to shove it under the carpet generally doesn’t work too well. Ignoring it only escalates that “something” to misery.

Who really grew up in a perfect family? We all had “something,” and guess what? We bring that same “something” right into our marriages, relationships, parenting, and life. Many times we adopt the “something” into our behaviors, words, and actions…. same stuff different characters.
Ugh.

Again, I am not one who makes the typical boring bullet point lists of the services I provide. People know when they are ready for family counseling. Generally, it is a kid who brings the parents in and to be quite honest, the kids I see are more than excited to “finally get the parents in” and feel a sense of relief. Kids typically don’t have a voice in families. Not the kind of voice that they are screaming and yelling, but a voice that communicates what they are thinking because they are not there yet developmentally. This is a skill that must be taught, even to the adults.

Parents have different parenting styles and kids have different kid styles. When kids don’t feel they have proper guidance or boundaries, they will take the lead and abuse the control they have been allowed to have.

Kids play parents. They ALL DO if allowed. Guilt, fear of losing a child, and not being liked by their children are the main issues with parents I see in my office. Parents are different than when I was a kid because the world is different. Holding on to guilt, pretending it is not there, and hiding it in your bellybutton doesn’t work, mom and dad! Kids will flip that guilt switch right there hidden away in your bellybutton at the most opportune times.

Divorce sucks. Parents splitting sucks. For everyone involved. Sometimes parents need to bite their tongues and suck up their resentments and animosities and attend sessions for the child to speak as well as parents to speak. Kids, when in the correct, safe atmosphere, will speak truthfully. Whether it is in art form or verbally, they will speak when they trust a therapist, leading to huge changes in their world. When parents see the child’s world has improved, the parents take a long, deep breath of relief and begin seeing truth.

Sometimes it does take a village. A village that comes together in the most difficult situations and it is then everyone finally sees, “it’s not just about me”.

Bring in your “something”….

July 3, 2012, my life took an abrupt detour, again. Breast cancer. This was not my first rodeo, well, not my first rodeo with cancer. In 1990, I had undergone surgery and treatment (M.D. Anderson) for nasopharynx cancer that the doctors determined was caused by second hand cigarette smoke. 

In 1990, I was living the high life. Great job, two precious little kids, great marriage, and even a cable TV show in the works. I wish I could say the physicians telling me I had “3 months to live” was my wakeup call but I can’t. My life took a radical, abrupt detour – one I was not in control of.  I was angry, shocked, scared, sad, fearful, irritated, didn’t have time for it, and had to move to Houston for surgery and treatment for the next 28 weeks. Alone. 

I underwent surgery, that was fine. Next, the two times a day, five days a week, 28-week radiation regime began. I had 28 weeks to wallow, stew, fret, obsess, cry, scream, and worry, while I knew my body was daily being burnt inside and out. I felt I had absolutely no control or say-so in my life or my treatment. My orders were to show up to radiation treatment twice a day with the ugly horrifying mask they molded for my face, so they could burn the cancer out of my head and neck. 

Radiation was brutal. In 1990 head and neck radiation was not localized like it is today, but this aggressive and radical treatment did save my life. 

My “wake up call” was during this time. It was a process. It wasn’t sudden, that would be too easy. I had to go through the gamut of emotions, experiences, and events to finally, in the end, understand that there had always been a carefully thought out plan for my life – and I did not design it. 

Skipping forward 22 years to July 3, 1990. The exact date I was married years ago, the day my son was born, and now also the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

Another sudden detour, but this time was different. 

The shock, anger, fear, sadness, and irritation were not there when Dr. Sarah Kahn, M.D. (Radiologist) invited me into her office to view the films, I already knew what she was going to tell me. A gut feeling for two years… An incredibly calm secure feeling exuded throughout by body. This time, I was going to be in control of my treatment and life. 

Mastectomy? Fine. Reconstructive surgery? Great, I always wanted great boobs. Let’s get it going. No traditional treatment, no matter what. I didn’t even know what reconstructive surgery entailed, I just wanted the cancer removed. 

I refused chemotherapy. Refused radiation. Refused any treatment coming close to traditional medicine. My friends, colleagues, my kids, my parents, and neighbors even were not happy with me. I was told I was “defiant”, “rebellious”, “stupid”, “selfish”, and an oncologist shared with me, I would “be dead in a year”. Oh well, I was not going to go through chemo and radiation. Period. 

I made the choice to take charge and research avenues for breast cancer treatment. I read books, searched the internet, read hundreds of websites. I began taking a few supplements, omitting all sugar and “white products” from my diet. I traveled to Scottsdale, Arizona to Dr. Daniel Rubin, ND, FABNO. Dr. Rubin specializes in naturopathic oncology. 

Beginning with bloodwork sent to different countries, Dr. Rubin then began the medical regimen. I immediately “went cold turkey” with processed foods, dairy (my cancer was hormone positive), soy products, Diet Coke, wine, white food products (bread/rice), no fruit (turns to sugar after ingested) anything not organic, sugar, and all products that contained sugar. My stringent food intake required a vast about of knowledge about food, how it was grown, prepared, and processed. “Green” became by best friend (as in kale), green shakes and green powder, and high protein intake was vitally important. 

I am not by any means saying this was an easy, quick, magical regimen. It was a total life style change, devoting my entire existence to a strict regimen of taking 50 pills a day, carefully examining every single food I put in my mouth, exercise, drinking vegetable shakes, having Vitamin C  IV’s burning like fire through my veins, having my boobs cut off, and 3 surgeries for reconstructive surgery. The difference was I felt I had some control. I had a choice to follow the regimen or not….I chose to suck it up, no matter what, and save my own life. 

This is not being written so I get a “poor thing” response or a “Hey look at me, I am a Super Hero”. This is to say that I have experienced first hand the demon called cancer. I am fully aware of the feelings, lifestyle change, and how it not only affects the patient but the entire family and  friends of the individual with cancer. 

I am not saying people should not do traditional treatment. Traditional treatment saved my life in 1990. Breast cancer cases are not all alike. People are not all alike. I was just not going to undergo the traditional treatment again.  It was a personal choice I made 6 years ago. 

I am the person I am today due to cancer, as well as other unplanned difficult events in my life. Events I did not want to deal with, nor did I understand at the time.  Today, I feel honored that God trusted me enough to allow me to go through what I have gone through in my life to genuinely meet people where they are, when they need it the most. 

There has always been a carefully designed plan crafted specifically for me…the entire time. I am blessed.

I have worked with the criminal, juvenile, civil, family, and city court systems, as well as attorneys, district attorneys, probation officers, and parole officers for the last 25 years. My role is to act as a liaison between the court system and the patient, and to develop relationships with professionals in the judicial system. 

Going through a wide array of circumstances, charges, outcomes, verdicts, custodies, situations, and conditions has allowed me the opportunity to gain insight into the dynamics and protocol of the different judicial systems. I have worked closely with defendants as well as victims, which has added to my experiences in this area. 

The common denominator in all the court cases I have worked with is fear of the unknown. This leads to feelings of intimidation, anger, depression, anxiety, or even hopelessness. 

I have learned that district attorneys, judges, attorneys, and probation officers appreciate defendants who are prepared, pro-active, and have taken the initiative to begin the process of recovery and accountability. During the duration of the court order, the same applies. Professionals in the judicial system appreciate individuals who instigate and complete recovery or restitution. 

I begin this process with either counseling, parenting assessment, home assessment, chemical dependency assessment, anger severity assessment, urinalysis, clinical assessment, theft intervention classes, drug and alcohol awareness classes, anger management classes, substance abuse classes, parenting, art therapy, or batterers intervention classes. 

Documents are agreed upon and then sent to the courts or attorney including progress notes, assessments, and classes attended prior to being court ordered. This gives individuals going through the court process a sense of ownership, awareness, understanding, and regulation in their case. 

Like any other area in your life, accountability, gaining education, instigating change, and proceeding with a plan for success proves to gain respect from others as well as ourselves.

Issues:

• DUI/Drug Related Charges
• Assault/Domestic Violence
• Custody/Divorce
• Probation/Parole
• Juvenile Arrests or Tickets