Nothing is set in stone… What I hear you say is not what you are really saying.
“I’m done” Jennifer stated looking me straight in the eyes with a flat cold stoic stare, sitting adjacent to her husband (I assumed).
“No, you aren’t” I thought to myself.
I wasn’t buying it.
Across from me sat a visibly “worn- out” woman sitting in my office next to a guy (Mark) appearing to be close to comatose from the pistol beating he must have endured in order to drag him in to this appointment.
I immediately knew we were not in for what I refer to as “band-aide” (a quick fix) therapy with these two. I was again being asked to become a miracle worker and repair this relationship before it went down in flames… Wait a minute, this woman just said she was “done”.
“You are not ‘done’ Jennifer, or your worn-out self would not be sitting in my office…Especially accompanied by a guy you more than likely had to be begged, threatened, convinced, hog tied, or persuaded to walk in my door.”
Jennifer and Mark were not my first rodeo.
“Done” may present itself in my office but it is clearly a smoke shield covering up a variety of stuff that has not been addressed – festering since the conception of the relationship.
We began the process with Jennifer and Mark being pushed (by me) in identifying and owning their own actions, behaviors, feelings and commitment to the journey ahead. After a commitment to the relationship, each had to learn pointing the finger at one another, playing the “poor pitiful me” victim, avoiding and isolating, or demanding change from the other was only going to lead us down a hair pulling contest I was not willing to participate in. Jennifer quickly learned she was desperately, and frantically demanding change and the change had to come from within. Mark learned he might want to actually get off his gaming system, realize he did have opinions and needed to verbalize them, grow some balls, stop hiding out as if he was a hermit crab, and make necessary changes.
There are stages.
Divorce, separation, or a break-up of relationship goes through the same stages one experiences when there is a death or significant loss. These stages are:
- depression, and
I talk in detail about these stages in my recent blog title, “The Five Stages of Grieving a Relationship“. There are no exacts or set time frame for moving through the process. No rules or directions as each individual is just that… individual. Let’s navigate this together. If you are grieving, I can help.
Interested in more? I would love to meet to you! Email or call anytime to schedule a session. (817) 701-5438 | email@example.com
CRT, CCDC, CACC | Counselor & Life Coach
Empowering individuals, families and communities to grow and heal through advanced approaches in Creative Arts Therapy, setting the standard for treatment, practice and training within the field.