“Geeze…just make a decision and go with it”, I said, as Nate, 33 years-old, continued to throw every excuse imaginable back my face regarding a decision he was faced with…
“Trust yourself and judgement…take the plunge.”
“Man, I just don’t know. I have always worried about everything and everybody…preparing for things to go wrong cause they always do, I overthink everything” Nate responded.
“So, this generally works for you?” I asked.
“What works for me?” Nate looked confused as if he had not clearly heard me.
“Your indecisiveness and knowing this all will go south.”
“How can it be working for me; I hate it and it drives me crazy… I have done this my entire life”.
“Nate, you have assigned your role in life to be a ‘worrier’ and have done a great job living up to the role. You are gaining something from it, or you would not continue this self-torture”.
Nate had convinced himself that he must have somehow been innately cursed with the ‘worry’ gene and this is “just who I am and how I think”. Even more than this, Nate utilized his “worry gene” to stay stuck…creating indecisiveness, emotional self-mutilation, low self-esteem, and unhappiness.
Nate had set himself up for not being held accountable for his actions, decisions, or opinions. He was opening the door wide open for the people in his life to make his decisions for him. This way Nate was not accused of making poor decisions and accountability was not learned. Nate saw himself as a victim, trapped in his own world of worry, anxiety and the fine art of overthinking.
Individuals worry about a variety of things: Work, relationships, children, health, death, money, safety, family members and the future.
Worry is natural. Over thinking and excessive worry leads to a variety of health issues both physically and mentally.
What is beneath worry and anxiety?
Fear. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown. Fear of loosing something, someone, or self.
Worry/fear feeds self-doubt, low self-esteem and image, little self-respect, and tears down self-confidence in the process. Persistently living in worry, will affect your daily life significantly.
The all too familiar state of worry tends to sneak up on you and over time and become your norm, your “go to” when facing decisions, sharing opinions, offering feedback, or when placed in uncomfortable situations.
How does worry feel?
My patients have reported:
- Emotional and Physical Strength Drained
- High Blood Pressure
- Heart Palpitations
- Stomach Problems
- Muscle Tension
- Lack of Concentration
- Quick to “Go Off”
- Judgmental of Others
- Doubting Self and Abilities
Behaviors linked to worry?
Patients have reported:
- Self-Medication: Alcohol and Substance Use and Abuse
- Self-Sabotaging Behaviors Affecting Growth, Professional Life, Relationships, Parenting, Family Relationships.
- Excessive Screen Time, Gaming, Sports, and Isolation
- Gambling, Overspending
- Sexually Acting Out, Pornography
The journey of discovering where worry is conceived begins in our minds…our thoughts.
Worry begins in our thought patterns.What we think we believe. Our personal truth. How we think we should feel. What others have told us. What others have told us about ourselves.
Negative thoughts about worry:
What have you been told about worrying?
Worrying is a natural. We all worry. It is the extent of the worry that harms us. When worry stifles you from growth or making important decisions, you will overthink every single detail and lose precious time. If you feel you can’t control your worry or you can’t embrace it for what it is worth, you will allow your own worry to care itself into your soul.
Positive beliefs about worry:
Worry can allow one to contemplate decisions and life choices when accepted and done appropriately. It can lead you to decisions and solutions. Sudden impulsive decisions can be ceased and thought over with the correct about of contemplation. Believing your worry serves a purpose that leads to a positive outcome enables you to utilize the time instead of staying stuck in the worry.
I personally have had to remind myself many times over the years that my own worry discounts my spiritual beliefs and discounts my relationship with the Holy Spirit. Me choosing to encapsulate myself in self-sabotaging worry only proves I don’t trust the God I profess to accept and adore. Acknowledging worry and fear, seeking the lessons learned from these intense feelings, and reminding myself God is in control has proven many times that worry, and fear are innate…it is what we do with these feelings that matters. If I believe in a Holy and righteous God, how can I be so pretentious in thinking I can deal with the worry and uncertainly myself?
If you are feeling stuck and need to talk, I would love to meet you! Email or call anytime to schedule a session. (817) 701-5438 | firstname.lastname@example.org
CRT, CCDC, CACC | Counselor & Life Coach
Empowering individuals, families and communities to grow and heal through advanced approaches in Creative Arts Therapy, setting the standard for treatment, practice and training within the field.