Swipe Right on Yourself: Ditch Emotional Clinginess in Dating

Dating can feel like a circus sometimes, with all the juggling acts and mental gymnastics we do to figure out, “Do they like me? Should I text them first? Did I say the right thing?” But here’s a truth bomb: if you’re constantly chasing someone or bending over backward to get their attention, you’re doing it wrong.
Let’s get real—if a guy (or girl) wants you, they’ll make it known. Period.
Stop Chasing and Start Attracting
Here’s the thing about chasing someone: the more you chase, the faster they run. It’s human nature. If you’re constantly texting first, making all the plans, or bending over backward to get their attention, you’re doing all the work while they sit back and let it happen. That’s not dating—that’s auditioning.
Think about it:
- When you chase, you’re sending the message that their attention is worth more than your peace of mind.
- When you stop chasing, you give them the space to step up and show you what they’re willing to do for you.
If they’re not stepping up, take the hint and swipe left. You’re worth someone who will meet you halfway—or better yet, take the lead.
Let Them Be a Gentleman (or Gentlewoman)
If someone is genuinely interested, they’ll make it known. They’ll call, text, and make plans to see you. You don’t have to remind them that you exist. So why not let them show you what they’re capable of?
- Want to be treated with respect? Expect respect. Don’t lower the bar because you’re afraid of scaring them off. If they’re worth it, they’ll rise to the occasion.
- Want effort? Stop over-efforting. Give them the opportunity to plan the date or send the first text.
Truth to Remember:
People treat you based on what you allow. If you settle for crumbs of attention, that’s all you’ll ever get. But if you set a standard and stick to it, the right person will meet it—and the wrong ones will fade away.
You Teach People How to Treat You
Here’s the deal: people will treat you the way you allow them to. If you’re always available, never set boundaries, and let them flake on you without consequences, you’re teaching them that you don’t value yourself.
Think about it like this:
- Would you reward bad behavior in any other area of life? If your dog chews up your shoes, you don’t pat them on the head. If your coworker misses a deadline, you don’t take on extra work to make up for it. So why let someone slide in your dating life?
By setting the bar high and sticking to it, you’re teaching them that you expect to be treated with respect, kindness, and effort. And if they’re not up for the challenge? Good riddance.
How to Stop Chasing and Start Leading
- Take the “Wait and See” Approach:
Instead of constantly initiating, let them come to you. If they’re interested, they’ll reach out. If not, you’ve got your answer without wasting your energy. - Expect Effort:
Someone worth your time will make it clear they want to be with you. They’ll ask you out, follow through on plans, and make you feel like a priority. Expect it—and don’t settle for less. - Stay Busy:
Fill your schedule with things you love—hobbies, friends, workouts, whatever. When you’re busy living your best life, you’re less likely to obsess over whether they texted back. - Be Clear About Your Standards:
If someone’s behavior bothers you, speak up.
- Instead of, “It’s fine,” try: “I’d like us to communicate more consistently.”
- Instead of brushing off a last-minute cancelation, say: “I appreciate plans that are set in advance.”
When to Swipe Left
Not everyone deserves your time or attention. If someone consistently makes you feel undervalued or like you’re chasing them, it’s time to cut your losses.
Red Flags to Watch For:
- They’re hot and cold with their attention.
- They only reach out when it’s convenient for them.
- They make you feel like you have to prove your worth.
You’re not here to audition for a starring role in their life. Walk away, hold your head high, and remind yourself that you’re the main character of your own story.
Swipe Right on Yourself
Dating isn’t about convincing someone to like you—it’s about finding someone who already does. The only way to attract the right kind of love is to first love yourself enough to stop chasing after the wrong people.
So, set the bar high, hold yourself with confidence, and don’t settle for breadcrumbs when you deserve the whole loaf. When you swipe right on yourself, you’ll find someone who’s willing to swipe right on all of you—no chasing required.
If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You are not alone and you don’t have to walk this road alone. You can book an in-person or virtual visit today.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com

Speaking Truth,

CRT, CCDC, CACC | Life Coach & Counselor