The Monsters Grow Up: From Under the Bed to Inside Your Teen

The Universal Monster Phase

Do you remember lying in bed as a child, convinced that something was lurking under the covers, in the closet, or down the dark hallway? For many kids, these “monster under the bed” fears feel very real — and they’re actually an important part of development. While most children eventually outgrow the idea of literal monsters, the fears don’t just disappear. They transform.

Remembering the Early Days

Remember when your child would come up with any excuse in their little head to get you back in their room — one more drink of water, another story, a monster check under the bed? Sometimes they just wanted to crawl into your bed and snuggle close until sleep finally won. Kids are kids.

But then they grow. They may not want you in their bed anymore. They may not ask for cuddles or call you back into their room ten times. In fact, now they might roll their eyes if you even suggest it.

Here’s the twist: they still need you — more than ever.

The monsters just look different now. They’ve moved from under the bed into the classroom, the lunch table, the locker room, and even your child’s own thoughts. And while they won’t admit it (and definitely don’t want you crawling into their bed anymore), they need the same thing they needed back then: your steady presence, your reassurance, and your willingness to help them face what scares them.

The Little Years: Monsters, Darkness, and Separation

In the early years, fears are loud, obvious, and often rooted in imagination. How fears may show up:

Trouble falling asleep, calling for parents at night
Bedtime avoidance (“just one more story,” “I need water”)
Clinginess during the day or reluctance to play alone
Nightmares or waking up crying

What kids actually fear:

Darkness and separation
Imaginary creatures (monsters, ghosts, burglars)
Loud or unfamiliar sounds
Being left alone

At this stage, kids need reassurance, comfort, and the sense that their parent will come when called.

The Pre-Teen Years: When the Monster Moves In

By ages 9–12, the monsters aren’t under the bed anymore — they’re sitting in the classroom, on the playground, or hiding in the mirror.Parents often feel like their child has been “possessed.” Suddenly there are eye rolls, slammed doors, and sharp words.And when you try to connect? You often hear:

“I don’t want to.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Mom, stop. I’m fine.”It can sting, but don’t take it personally.

This isn’t rejection of you — it’s part of development.

How pre-teen fears may show up:

Stomachaches or headaches before school
Snapping over small things
Meltdowns over grades or sports performance
Quitting activities they once loved
Wanting privacy but isolating too much

What pre-teens actually fear:

Embarrassment or humiliation at school
Not fitting in with peers
Being excluded from friend groups
Failing at sports or academics
Changing bodies and new self-consciousness
Physical appearance — “Everyone looks better than me”

The Teen Years: Monsters Go Underground

By high school, the monsters become quieter but heavier. Teens rarely call you into their room at night anymore. Instead, they hide behind headphones, scroll endlessly on TikTok, or shut themselves away in their bedroom.As adults, we can all agree: kids today have much more to deal with than we did. Their lives are filled with constant distractions, nonstop notifications, and pressure coming from every direction. Saying, “I was 16 once, I know how you feel” isn’t exactly accurate — you weren’t living in their world.

A better approach is to acknowledge the difference:

“I can’t fully know what it’s like to be a teen right now, but I want to understand your world.”
“I may not have the same experiences, but I get that this feels really big for you.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone — I’m here when you’re ready.”

What today’s teens often say (or think):

“If I don’t get this right, everyone’s going to think I’m a failure.”
“If people really knew me, they’d leave.”
“Everyone else has their life together — I’m the only one behind.”
“I hate how I look.”
“My friend group is drifting — what if I end up alone?”
“I’ll never get over this (heartbreak).”

How it shows up in real life:

Locking themselves in their room for hours
Snapping over something small, then shutting down
Staying up half the night on their phone
Spending too long in front of the mirror or obsessing over selfies
Constant friend group drama — shifting, breaking apart, or clinging to unhealthy dynamics
Saying “I’m fine” while clearly not fine
Taking risks to escape the pressure — vaping, drinking, reckless driving, or disappearing into gaming

What teens are actually afraid of:

Being left out, ghosted, or rejected by friends
Not being “good enough” at school, sports, or life
Being judged for body, clothes, or social status
Failing to meet expectations (theirs or others’)
The pain of their first real (heartbreak)
A future that feels overwhelming and uncertain

How to Ask Without Getting Your Head Bitten Off

Direct questions like “What’s wrong with you?” rarely work. Instead, try calm, low-pressure invitations:

“You don’t seem yourself lately. I’m here if you want to talk.”
“You don’t have to tell me right now, but I’d like to understand.”
“That looked tough — do you want advice, or just someone to listen?”
“Want to get out of the house? Ice cream’s on me.”

Even if they resist at first (“I don’t want to”), the offer matters.

Why Change the Scenery Helps

Kids don’t usually open up under the spotlight of the dinner table. But in the car, over ice cream, or on a casual walk, conversation flows more naturally. Movement, food, and less eye contact lower defenses — and sometimes the best conversations sneak out between bites of fries.

Facing the Monsters Together

At every stage, your role isn’t to fix or banish the monsters — it’s to remind your child that they’re strong enough to face them.

Validate: “I get why that feels big right now.”
Normalize: “Lots of kids feel the same way.”
Empower: “What’s one thing you could try next time?”
Reassure: “You don’t have to be perfect to be okay.”

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings

One of the most powerful tools you can give your child is the ability to recognize and name their feelings. If you haven’t introduced the language of feelings yet, start now.

When your child says they’re “angry,” they may actually be feeling something else underneath. Anger is often a cover emotion — it masks something more vulnerable.

Examples:

“I’m mad!” after being left out may really mean rejected, embarrassed, lonely, or unwanted.
“I hate my teacher!” may really mean frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, or pressured.
“I don’t care!” might mean disappointed, humiliated, worried, or restless.
Coming home sulking about a friend might mean hurt, jealous, left out, or unsettled.
Slamming a backpack after practice might mean ashamed, tense, or worried about failing.

How you can respond:

“It sounds like you’re more disappointed than angry right now.”
“Maybe you feel embarrassed that it didn’t go the way you wanted.”
“I wonder if that made you feel left out or unwanted.”
“That must have been overwhelming — is that how it felt?”

The more kids hear this language, the better they get at identifying their own emotions.

Final Thought

October is the month of haunted houses, ghost stories, and costumes — but the real monsters kids face aren’t under the bed anymore. They’re in classrooms, cafeterias, locker rooms, friend groups, mirrors, and their own heads.

The little ones call for you when they’re scared. The pre-teens push you away but secretly hope you’ll notice. The teens may close their doors but still need you steady on the other side.

Your job isn’t to erase every fear — it’s to stand beside them, help them name what they feel, and remind them that rejection, disappointment, and failure are survivable.

That’s how kids grow from believing in monsters under the bed… to believing in themselves.