I have seen an increase of more woman in my practice who are not willing to continue to stay in crappy unhealthy relationships or marriages in the last couple of years. They report feeling lonely, insecure, disconnected, and detached from their significant others…while in the relationship. After sharing their feelings, regrets, disillusions, and desires, I find myself responding with, “Well, stand up and take a bow…you have created the monster”. Women tend to gripe, warn, nudge, scream, pout, remind, suggest, hope, and repeat the process when they feel they are not heard.
Women want to be heard. Selective hearing isn’t what brings out the warm and fuzzies in women. When they are not heard or don’t feel they have a voice in the domestic decision-making process they feel discounted and unimportant. This breeds frustration and resentment. Most women have the nurturing soft side men are attracted to but when they feel controlled, their inner voice, “Hell no!” screams volumes. They warn and threaten until they are finally fed up and want out.
When a woman’s six sense comes to fruition, men don’t have a chance. The innate distinguishing characteristic of the “gut feeling” of a woman is indescribable. The female gender can transform into Inspector Gadget, CIA agent, detective, stalker, or computer hacker. When there is another person involved, women instantly go into attack, revenge, homicidal, suicidal, or kick-ass mode. Infidelity changes everything. The unidentified or unresolved issues of the marriage that led to infidelity are not recognized and the “cheater” is generally identified as “Once a cheater – always a cheater” unless there is a commitment to therapy by both parties.
Physical or Emotional Abuse:
Women are generally not weak human-beings. They can withstand many events and circumstances in their lives… unless they are “stuck” in an abusive relationship that feeds into their used lack of self-confidence, feelings of worthlessness, lack of income, social pressures, and distorted moral expectations. Being entangled in an abusive relationship begins with low self-worth and continues in a never-ending complicated cycle with the abuser. Until the woman education, assistance, support, shelter, and protection the abuse cycle sadly continues.
Violation of Marital Duties:
Here is when many women can “stand up and take a bow” for creating the monster they describe as their spouse. Women tend to nurture and exhibit love by doing. Behaviors are such that they “take care of” the family, spouse, and others. Many times, women happily create an environment conducive to what they feel a man likes, wants, and expects. Women find themselves “doing everything” and resentment grows steadily… after the roles, responsibilities, and chore lists have pretty much been set in stone. Finances find themselves in this category. Woman who witness their spouses carelessly spending money “that we don’t have” grows old in time and woman begin losing respect for their spouses. Woman report “being a good dad” carry a lot of weight in the relationship but when a man chooses not to be involved with the children and family, this proves to be a deal breaker for women over time.
Oops.. In case you didn’t notice, I fell out of love:
Woman crave attention, affection, and connection…. imagine that. Men may have the best intentions, support their families financially, and work their butts off… but over time, women realize “there must be more” and begin contemplating what they “really want and need”. When they feel there is no connection, woman slowly begin shutting down. When relationships are lacking companionship and/or intimacy, it most likely that there are rocky roads ahead. When couples lack empathy or understanding for one another and are not committed to the process of repairing the relationship, the relationship finds itself up against a brick wall.
Hmmmm…haven’t most of us found ourselves in this boat, slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean with no life raft? Ugh. Desiring or expecting the continuance of the romance of love (or lust) can harbor unrealistic expectations for a relationship. Romance takes mindfulness, time, work, and effort. Women tend to long for what they feel is romance. They expect the man to read their minds in what they need, want, desire, feel, and expect. This preconceived concept of what love looks like is encrypted in their minds…setting themselves up for disappointment and despair.
As cheesy as it sounds, couples counseling is about communication. Where it gets complicated is when the other factors of our childhood, past relationships, beliefs, morals, values, expectations, ideals, opinions, personalities, and behaviors enter the arena throw everyone involved into a tail spin…
Interested in more? I would love to meet to you! Email or call anytime to schedule a session. (817) 701-5438 | firstname.lastname@example.org
CRT, CCDC, CACC | Counselor & Life Coach
Empowering individuals, families and communities to grow and heal through advanced approaches in Creative Arts Therapy, setting the standard for treatment, practice and training within the field.