Helping Women Find Their Voice
Through my private practice, I’ve worked with many women who express sentiments like, “I want to find myself,” “I don’t know who I am anymore,” or “I’ve always given to my family, but I’m not sure I know how to do ‘me’ anymore.” These feelings are common for women who have found themselves stuck in routines that no longer serve them. Over time, it’s easy for women to lose touch with their true voice, unsure of how to begin speaking their truths or advocating for their own needs.
From my work, I’ve learned that it’s often easier to stay in old patterns and habits, repeating the same behaviors, rather than acknowledging when life feels unfulfilling or lacking. But the moment a woman decides she isn’t happy or that her life isn’t where she wants it to be is the exact moment, she has the power to change it. It takes courage and intentional effort to rediscover your own interests, desires, and passions—and even more so, to act on them.
I’ve witnessed many women fall into the trap of pointing fingers at their partners or husbands, but the truth is that we play a role in our own discontent when we don’t decide what we want and take action to pursue it. We allow things to slide, we let our voices fade into the background, and one day we wake up wondering why our partner or the people around us treat us in certain ways. But from my experience, when we reclaim our voice and set boundaries, we begin to change our lives from within.
Here’s what I’ve found to be true: most men want their partners to be happy. It’s easy to allow things to continue as they are, but it’s our responsibility to speak up about what we need for ourselves, whether in marriage or any relationship. When we don’t express what we want or take steps to achieve it, we become complicit in the dynamics that make us unhappy.
Change can happen. It doesn’t have to start with major upheaval, but rather small, intentional choices and decisions. You can choose to get off the hamster wheel of old habits. If you want to take a class, join a group, or try something new—go for it. You can ask your partner to join you, but if they’re not interested, do it anyway. You don’t need an argument or any ulterior motives. It’s about being clear and direct about your needs, and then following through.
From my work with women, I’ve seen how transformative it can be when they stop making excuses and start taking charge of their own lives. It’s not about waiting for someone else to change—it’s about being bold and confident enough to change for yourself.
Here are some insights I’ve gathered to help women stop the cycle of feeling stuck:
1. Take an Honest Inventory
Reflect on where your life is and where you feel unfulfilled. Acknowledge what’s working and what isn’t. Often, this step alone helps uncover the areas that need change.
2. Set Clear Intentions
Get specific about what you want. Whether it’s more time for yourself, pursuing a passion, or something else—be clear about it.
3. Stop Waiting for Permission
Women often wait for others to validate their choices. Stop waiting. If something matters to you, go after it. Take ownership of your own happiness.
4. Communicate Honestly with Your Partner
Many times, partners don’t even know there’s a problem because we’re so used to keeping our feelings inside. Communicate your needs clearly—without guilt or blame.
5. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone
Growth only happens when you’re willing to do something different. Take the leap, try something new, and allow yourself to be uncomfortable—its where real transformation begins. Realize your body is changeable. It is resilient. It is not all hormonal! You deserve to get off of your ass and move! Stagnation only proves to be depressive and fuel for destruction.
6. Prioritize Yourself
You deserve time for yourself. Make self-care a priority, even if it feels selfish at first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
7. Break the Cycle of Excuses
Excuses can keep us stuck. Be mindful of when you’re avoiding change by rationalizing your inaction. It’s time to break the habit and move forward.
8. Join Communities that Support Growth
Surround yourself with people who encourage you to grow. Finding like-minded women or supportive groups can make a huge difference in maintaining your new path.
I want to personally invite you to Rise Collective Wellness in Colleyville, Texas—a place where women come together to rise, both physically and mentally. Whether it’s through barre, yoga, cycling, or strength training, this small, intimate studio offers more than just fitness classes—it provides a sense of community. It’s a place where you can feed your soul and body, surrounded by like-minded women who share a common goal: personal growth and well-being.
I can’t recommend it enough—what I refer to as “the only place I can just do me and feel good after I do.” Christina Vance, the owner, has created something truly special—a collective space where women bond, support one another, and invest in their own health and happiness.
https://www.risecollectivewellness.com
If you’re looking for a space to reconnect with yourself, rise above the daily grind, and find a supportive community, Rise Collective Wellness is your place.
9. Be Consistent
Change takes time and consistency. Keep going, even when it feels tough or uncomfortable. You’re building new habits that will eventually lead to a more fulfilling life.
10. Trust Your Voice
One of the most important lessons I’ve seen is that women need to trust their own voices. You know what’s best for you, even if you haven’t listened to that inner voice in a long time.
As I’ve learned through my practice, reclaiming your voice, setting boundaries, and making intentional choices allows you to live more authentically. You don’t have to wait for life to happen to you—you have the power to shape it yourself.
Boundary-Setting Responses to Hateful or Blaming Conversations
When your partner tries to engage in a negative conversation, here are some quick, firm responses you can use to draw boundaries, including portraying confusion to invite them to clarify:
“I’m not engaging in this conversation.”
Body language: Maintain brief eye contact, then calmly turn your body away as a sign of disengagement. Cross your arms lightly if needed.
“I won’t accept being spoken to like that.”
Body language: Stand tall with your shoulders back, keep your facial expression neutral, and look them in the eye for a few seconds before breaking eye contact.
“We’re not going to resolve anything this way.”
Body language: Tilt your head slightly, and use a slow, calm hand gesture like an open palm facing slightly downward.
“I’m walking away until we can talk respectfully.”
Body language: Hold your head high, maintain steady posture, and calmly walk away without slamming doors or making exaggerated movements.
“This is not productive, and I won’t participate.”
Body language: Keep your posture composed, with arms relaxed by your sides, and avoid defensive or aggressive gestures.
“I’m setting a boundary. This conversation stops now.”
Body language: Stand with feet shoulder-width apart and use a gentle ‘stop’ hand signal (palm outward). Avoid pointing or making clenched fists.
“You need to take responsibility for your words.”
Body language: Hold steady eye contact for a few seconds, nod slightly to emphasize the point, then step back to create emotional distance.
“I won’t allow you to treat me this way.”
Body language: Stand straight, keep arms loose, and lift your chin slightly to show confidence. Tilt your body slightly away to demonstrate emotional distance.
Portraying Confusion to Invite Clarification
This technique allows you to ask for clarity while subtly pointing out contradictions in their behavior. It helps de-escalate the situation while encouraging them to reflect on what they’re saying:
“I’m confused, I remember you saying you wanted me to take time for myself, but now it seems like you’re saying the opposite.”
Body language: Tilt your head slightly with a puzzled expression, maintaining calm eye contact.
“I’m not sure I understand. You’ve told me before that it’s important for me to have time for myself, but now it feels like you’re upset when I do.”
Body language: Open your palms upward, as if genuinely asking for clarification, with a slightly questioning facial expression.
“This is confusing for me. You’ve said that you want us to support each other’s self-care, but now it feels like I’m being criticized for doing that.”
Body language: Nod slowly, showing that you’re trying to process their conflicting messages, while keeping your voice calm and inquisitive.
“I’m not sure what you want. On one hand, you’ve told me to focus on myself, but now you seem to be unhappy about it. Can you explain?”
Body language: Use gentle, slow gestures like a slight shrug, maintaining a neutral and curious expression.
How to Handle When They Try to Engage Further
When your partner tries to engage and draw you back into the conversation, here’s how to maintain yur boundary:
Stay Neutral and Calm: Avoid frustration or anger. Take a deep breath and stay composed
Body language: Keep a neutral expression and avoid leaning in or appearing defensive.
Repeat the Boundary: If they continue to push, calmly repeat the boundary you set earlier.
Example: “I’ve already said I’m not discussing this right now.”
Body language: Maintain steady eye contact, soften it, and keep your arms at your sides.
Use Silence: Silence can be powerful when refusing to engage.
Body language: Look away slightly or focus on an activity, signaling disengagement.
Walk Away: If they persist, walking away shows you’re firm in your boundary.
Body language: Walk away with steady steps, head held high, and no rush to show confidence.
Acknowledge Calmly: You can acknowledge their words without engaging deeply.
Example: “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not ready to talk about this.”
Body language: Nod slightly while keeping your posture relaxed.
Things You Can Do for Yourself and How to Communicate Them
Taking Action
Now, here’s some homework. I have put together several activities you can do for yourself, along with how to confidently tell your partner about them.
As you begin this journey of self-discovery and reclaiming your voice, remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Finding your interests, desires, and passions is a process, and you don’t have to have all the answers right away. What matters most is that you’re taking action for yourself—recognizing your worth, setting boundaries, and pursuing what fulfills you.
For many moms, especially, it’s common to feel like you’ve lost sight of who you are outside of your roles as a caregiver, partner, or homemaker. You give so much of yourself to your family that it can be hard to remember what brings you joy or makes you feel whole. But it’s essential to recognize that you are more than the roles you play for others. Rediscovering who you are isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. When you reconnect with your own desires, interests, and sense of purpose, you not only enrich your life, but you also model self-care and self-respect for your children.
There will be moments of doubt, but keep pushing forward. You deserve to feel empowered, confident, and whole. Every small step you take toward nurturing your own happiness is a victory. And remember, doing what’s right for you doesn’t mean leaving your relationship behind; it means showing up as the best version of yourself, which can only strengthen the connection with your partner.
Be kind to yourself along the way, and give yourself the grace to grow, change, and evolve. Boldly chase after what makes your heart sing. You have the power to shape your own life and to create the happiness you seek. Your voice matters, your desires matter, and you are worthy of living a fulfilled and balanced life.
Now is the time to embrace your journey and move forward with confidence and courage.
Finding your voice and confidence can feel overwhelming but you are not alone! If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com
Speaking Truth,