Stop There! Don’t Say it!!! Statements Kids Should Not Hear
These statements are often used manipulatively by a parent to fulfill their emotional needs, placing undue pressure on the child to cater to these needs at the expense of their own mental health and development. This dynamic can severely impact the child’s ability to form healthy relationships outside their family and distort their understanding of love and support.
Over-Reliance on the Child for Emotional Support:
“You’re the only one who really understands me.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you. You keep me sane.”
“You’re my rock, I need you to be strong for me.”
“Your dad/mom does not understand me, I am glad you do.”
Treating the Child as a Confidante or Spouse:
“Let’s keep this between us, okay? It’s our little secret.”
“I’m not going to talk about this with your dad/mom; you’re much easier to talk to.”
“You’re the man/woman of the house, you need to take care of things when I can’t.”
Inappropriately Sharing Personal or Marital Issues:
“Your dad/mom doesn’t love me anymore, but I know you always will.”
“I feel so lonely these days, except when I’m with you.”
“Let me tell you about my problems at work; I need your advice.”
“I need you, don’t ever leave me alone like everyone else.”
“If you go out with your friends, who will I talk to about my day?”
“You don’t want to spend time with me? Do you want me to be sad?”
Manipulative Affection and Rewards:
“If you stay home tonight, we can have our special movie night.”
“You’re the only person who makes me happy, so I bought you this gift.”
“All I do is for you; the least you could do is spend more time with me.”
Jealousy or Resentment Towards Child’s Independence:
“I saw you had fun with your friends; you never laugh like that with me.”
“Ever since you started dating, you’ve forgotten about your poor mom/dad.”
“You used to tell me everything, but now I guess your friends are more important.”
Dismissing the Child’s Need for Privacy:
“Why do you need so much privacy all of a sudden? You shouldn’t have secrets from me.”
“I cleaned your room and read your diary; I’m just looking out for you.”
“As long as you live under my roof, you don’t get to keep secrets from me.”
Subtle Threats or Emotional Blackmail:
“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
“One day you’ll miss me when I’m gone, and you’ll regret treating me like this.”
“I guess I just have to accept that you’re selfish, like your father/mother.”
Making a Child a Priority Over a Partner
“I know dad/mom and I had plans tonight, but I want to do what you want to do and dad/mom and I can go another time.”
“Your dad/mom wants Chinese food but you said you want pizza… pizza it is!”
“Let’s go to the baseball game, just you and I. Dad/mom can just chill at home but we will have a great time.”
Parenting and relationships can be difficult and overwhelming but you are not alone! If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com
Speaking Truth,
