Ramen for Dinner? What to Expect When Your Kids Go Off to College
I’ve sent off 10 patients to college this year with the familiar “don’t do stupid sh__” message, knowing full well that some level of “stupid” will happen—it always has and always will. Of these 10, seven are freshmen and three are returning students. The difference between the newbies and the returning students is huge. One year away from home can bring about significant changes in maturity, often driven by the independence that comes with being away from their parents. Yes, being away from mom and dad.
“Stupid” has always been a part of college life, and it’s less about avoiding it entirely and more about managing it wisely—knowing when to be stupid and how stupid to be. Your kids will make stupid decisions on some level…hopefully. This teaches them the lessons they desperately need to succeed in life. Problem is, “stupid” is subjective.
The differences among my kids heading off to college are vast: gender, interests, commitment levels, personalities, mindset, tools, life skills, family dynamics, parental expectations, finances, universities, majors, study habits, desire for independence, friendships, connection to family, and so on.
Despite all of their differences, there are a few things every college student goes through.
Here’s a more lighthearted take on the shared experiences they all face:
Excitement and Anxiety: They’re either thrilled about the freedom of college life or secretly freaking out about leaving the comfort of home. (And honestly, it’s usually a bit of both.)
Desire for Independence: Every student is eager to assert their independence—until they realize that means doing their own laundry and cooking more than just ramen. But hey, they still want to know Mom’s a text away when they mess up their first load of whites.
Facing New Challenges: Whether it’s learning to navigate a new campus or figuring out how to balance a social life with studying, they’re all facing a mix of academic, social, and personal challenges. And let’s be real, some of those challenges involve figuring out the perfect coffee-to-all-nighter ratio.
Social Exploration: Making new friends, joining clubs, and finding their crew is a universal experience. There’s also the inevitable awkwardness of trying to remember 20 names in the first week and hoping you don’t accidentally friend someone on social media who you just met once at orientation.
Balancing Freedom and Responsibility: Suddenly, they can stay out all night if they want, but wait—there’s an 8 AM class? Managing the newfound freedom while not letting their GPA plummet is a struggle every student faces. Pro tip: Netflix is not your friend during finals week.
Partying (Party Hardy): Let’s be real—college is often where they test their limits. The allure of parties is strong, and they’re likely to embrace the “party hardy” mindset at least once or twice. They’ll learn (hopefully not the hard way) how to balance having fun with keeping their academics on track. And they’ll quickly discover that the hangovers don’t just magically disappear by 9 AM.
Greek Life: Rush week is like the Hunger Games for college kids. They’re convinced their entire college experience hinges on getting into that one sorority or frat they feel they can’t live without. It’s a huge deal to them, and they’ll spend a lot of time (and probably money) trying to make sure they’re picked by their top choice. The good news? Most of them find their people, whether it’s in Greek life or elsewhere on campus.
Adjustment to College Life: Whether it’s mastering the art of navigating campus without getting lost or figuring out how to live with a roommate who has never heard of quiet hours, adjusting to college life is a rite of passage.
Academic Pressure: The reality of midterms, finals, and keeping up with assignments hits hard. And just like that, they’re longing for the simpler days of high school when homework was a breeze compared to 10-page papers and lab reports.
Financial Awareness: They’re all learning (sometimes the hard way) how to budget their money. Suddenly, the idea of spending $6 on coffee every day doesn’t seem like such a good plan when they’re trying to stretch their dollars to last until the next deposit from home.
Identity Formation: College is prime time for figuring out who they are, what they believe in, and what they want to do with their lives. This often involves changing majors once (or three times), experimenting with new styles, and deciding if they’re actually a morning person. (Spoiler: They’re not.)
Navigating Relationships: Whether they’re maintaining long-distance friendships, making new ones, or navigating the ups and downs of college romances, relationships are a huge part of the college experience. And yes, they’re likely to get some cringe-worthy dating stories out of it.
And of course, we all know the kids are now “grown” (their words, not ours), so let them do “grown.” This means figuring out that ramen for dinner seven nights in a row is not a sustainable life choice, learning that staying up until 3 AM to study might not be as effective as they thought, and discovering that maybe, just maybe, they don’t know everything after all.
In the end, despite all the differences, these experiences are what make college memorable (and occasionally a little bit chaotic). They might be nervous now, but these are the stories they’ll laugh about in a few years—maybe even sooner if they survive finals week with their sense of humor intact…just like the rest of us.
My last piece of advice.
Don’t stop their therapy sessions just because they graduate high school. Even from miles away, therapy can continue. Virtual therapy “check-in” sessions are a lifeline for them during their time away from home. Whether it is once a week, once a month or as-needed, the reassurance of that familiar voice reminding them of the skills they learned can be a game-changer. Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com.
Speaking Truth,
