Dear Depression: Understanding The Disease and How It Impacts Our Kids
The kids I see in my office never cease to amaze me with their perspectives, ideas, thoughts, and feelings about the dynamics within their families—especially when they have a safe space to express themselves openly, generally alone with me. When children are given the chance to share, they offer a raw and honest look into the impact that something like depression can have on a household.
Out of the mouths of babes, we hear the unfiltered truth about the emotional ripples that touch every corner of their lives, and the ways they are affected by the unseen but ever-present shadow of depression in their homes.
Dear Depression,
I hate you. You took everything from me. You stole my dad and, with him, my whole childhood.
You snuck into our house like a thief, and all I remember is you dragging him into that dark room—the “dungeon.” That’s what it felt like, a place I was afraid of. I never knew what was behind that door when it opened, whether he’d come out sad, angry, or just… empty. I was just a kid, but you made me feel like I had to be on guard every single day. I learned to hold my breath, hoping he’d stay in there because I didn’t know what to do when he came out.
You stole the fun. You stole the memories we should’ve made. I couldn’t even join activities or bring friends over because I was embarrassed. I lied my entire life to cover up what was really happening at home. I didn’t get his hugs when I was scared or his laugh when I did something silly. All I got was silence, a shut door, and a mom trying so hard to protect me from whatever was behind it. I had to grow up so fast, pretending I was okay when really, I was just scared.
I felt like I only had one parent, and that parent was a part of me. My therapist calls it enmeshment, and she says it’s not healthy. My mom had to be the dad and the mom, and I became her everything. I don’t know who I am without her. I feel every single feeling she feels. I can’t even imagine my life away from her, yet I want to go off to college. But what will happen to my mom if I leave her?
Depression, you are hell. You make kids doubt the outside world, distrust their own feelings and decisions, feel invisible, and question who they are outside of the sadness and dysfunction you create. You make us feel trapped, like there’s no way out.
I wish you would leave us alone. I wish you wouldn’t find another family to destroy the way you destroyed mine.
You didn’t just steal my childhood; you stole my chance to believe in anything better. And I hate you for it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get back what you took from me.
Please, don’t do this to anyone else.
Sincerely, A Kid Who Deserved So Much More
There are several types of depression, each with its own unique characteristics and symptoms. Here’s a breakdown of the most common types:
1. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
Description: Also known as clinical depression, this is characterized by a persistent feeling of sadness or a lack of interest in outside stimuli, lasting for at least two weeks.
Symptoms: Include fatigue, changes in sleep and appetite, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating, and thoughts of death or suicide.
2. Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)
Description: Previously known as dysthymia, this is a chronic form of depression lasting for at least two years.
Symptoms: Less severe than MDD but longer-lasting, including low self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness, lack of energy, sleep disturbances, and changes in appetite.
3. Bipolar Disorder
Description: A mood disorder characterized by extreme mood swings, including depressive episodes and manic or hypomanic episodes.
Types:
Bipolar I: Involves severe manic episodes that last at least seven days or require hospitalization, usually accompanied by depressive episodes.
Bipolar II: Involves hypomanic episodes (less severe than full mania) and major depressive episodes.
Symptoms: Can include feelings of euphoria, high energy, and risky behavior during manic episodes, alternating with periods of deep depression.
4. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Description: A type of depression related to changes in seasons, typically occurring in the fall and winter months.
Symptoms: Include low energy, overeating, weight gain, oversleeping, and social withdrawal. Symptoms usually improve with the arrival of spring or summer.
5. Postpartum Depression
Description: Depression that occurs after childbirth, affecting mothers and sometimes fathers.
Symptoms: Include severe mood swings, exhaustion, feelings of hopelessness, difficulty bonding with the baby, anxiety, and fear of harming the baby or oneself.
6. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)
Description: A severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that includes emotional and physical symptoms disrupting daily life.
Symptoms: Include severe mood swings, irritability, anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms such as bloating, breast tenderness, and headaches.
7. Psychotic Depression
Description: A type of major depression accompanied by some form of psychosis, such as delusions or hallucinations.
Symptoms: Include intense feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or paranoia, along with depressive symptoms like extreme sadness and fatigue.
8. Atypical Depression
Description: A subtype of depression that temporarily lifts in response to positive events but still has other typical symptoms of depression.
Symptoms: Include increased appetite, weight gain, excessive sleep, heaviness in the limbs, and a heightened sensitivity to rejection.
9. Situational Depression (Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood)
Description: A short-term form of depression that occurs after a stressful or traumatic event.
Symptoms: Can include sadness, anxiety, worry, trouble sleeping, and difficulty carrying out daily activities.
10. Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)
Description: A diagnosis given primarily to children and adolescents characterized by severe temper outbursts that are disproportionate to the situation.
Symptoms: Include chronic irritability and frequent, severe temper outbursts that occur three or more times a week.
11. Treatment-Resistant Depression
Description: Depression that doesn’t respond adequately to typical treatments such as medications or psychotherapy.
Symptoms: Can vary widely but often include persistent and severe depressive symptoms despite multiple treatment attempts.
Depression is real. It’s a diagnosis, a disease, and it affects everyone differently.
Some parents might find themselves using their depression as a way to cope or as a crutch, while others are dealing with an overwhelming, debilitating experience that can’t be understood unless you’re living it. I’m not here to blame or point fingers at any parent for their struggle. Instead, I want to encourage parents to recognize how their depression can affect their kids and take ownership of its impact. Understanding this is important for everyone in the family.
Before you email me, slam my name, or throw your phone, know that I am, in a sense, serving as the voice of many kids I have seen in therapy—kids who are suffering in a home overshadowed by depression.
Remember, I’m here if/when you need me. Struggling with depression can be difficult to navigate but you are not alone! Let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com
Speaking Truth,
