When Love Falls Short: Coping with Disappointment
In my last article, “Can Love Endure? Exploring Falling Out of Love While Still Loving Someone“, we discuss an extremely heavy question most people are terrified to dig deeply enough to determine the answer: Is a relationship over if you fall out of love but still love someone? Today, I want to expore what happens when love falls short…and why.
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare
Who has not been disappointed by love? Love disappoints, period.
Love is associated with positive emotions such as joy, fulfillment, bliss, happiness, and butterflies. It will also bring about feelings of disappointment, doubt, fear, uncertainty, hurt, and disillusionment under certain circumstances.
People often set themselves up for disappointment in love due to various reasons, including:
Unrealistic Expectations: People might have unrealistic expectations about love and relationships, often influenced by media, movies, or romanticized notions. When reality doesn’t match these expectations, it can lead to disappointment.
Describe how have you invoked unrealistic expectations in a relationship. Describe your disappointment and how you set yourself up leading to this disappointment. What were the other feelings involved?
Idealization of Partner: Sometimes individuals idealize their partners, seeing only their positive traits and ignoring any flaws or potential incompatibilities. When these flaws inevitably surface, it can lead to disappointment.
Describe how you have idealized a partner and the aftermaths of this idealization.
Lack of Communication: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and unmet needs in relationships. When people don’t communicate their desires, boundaries, or concerns effectively, they may feel disappointed when their needs aren’t met.
When and how have you not communicated with a partner and the consequences involved?
Fear of Vulnerability: Fear of vulnerability can cause people to hold back or avoid fully investing in a relationship. However, deep connections often require vulnerability, and avoiding it can lead to disappointment in the superficiality of the relationship.
Describe what you see as vulnerability. Describe how and when you have you not allowed yourself to be vulnerable and the consequences to you withholding vulnerability. What are your fears surrounding vulnerability?
Past Experiences: Negative experiences from past relationships or childhood can influence how individuals’ approach and perceive love. They may project past hurts onto current relationships, leading to a guarded approach and potential disappointment.
Describe the past hurts and pains from prior relationships that you have brought into your current relationship. Describe how and why you continue to hold on to the pain.
Dependency on External Validation: Relying too much on a romantic partner for validation, happiness, or self-worth can set people up for disappointment. No one person can fulfill all of another’s needs, and expecting them to do so can lead to disappointment when expectations aren’t met.
Failure to Set Boundaries: Not setting or enforcing boundaries can lead to feelings of being taken advantage of or unappreciated in a relationship. Without clear boundaries, individuals may feel disappointed by their partner’s behavior or actions. Describe what you consider a healthy boundary and why they are important.
Describe how you have not exhibited healthy boundaries in the past, allowing it to affect your relationships. Describe where, with whom, and how you need to instill healthy boundaries in your current relationship.
Conflict and Misunderstanding: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but unresolved conflicts or recurring disagreements can strain the bond between partners and lead to feelings of disappointment or frustration.
Describe any misunderstandings or conflicts (resentments) in the past that remain to be present in your current relationship.
Betrayal or Deception: Trust is essential in any relationship, and betrayal or deception by a partner can be deeply hurtful and disappointing. Acts of infidelity, dishonesty, or breach of trust can shatter the foundation of a relationship and lead to feelings of betrayal and disappointment.
Describe when and how have you felt betrayed, lied to, or been deceived in your relationships. How does this affect you today?
Lack of Reciprocity: One-sided love, where one partner invests more time, effort, or emotion into the relationship than the other, can lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment. If one partner feels their efforts are not reciprocated, it can strain the relationship and lead to dissatisfaction.
When and with whom have you experienced lack of reciprocity in your life? What were the feelings involved? How does this seem to linger in our present life and relationships?
Growing Apart: People and relationships evolve over time, and sometimes partners may grow apart or discover that they have different values, goals, or priorities. When this happens, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness as the relationship changes or comes to an end.
When and with whom have you ever experienced a relationship that seemed to grow apart? What do you feel happened and why? What was lacking?
Unresolved Issues: Lingering issues from past relationships or unresolved personal issues can impact the dynamics of a current relationship and lead to feelings of disappointment or dissatisfaction.
Describe any unresolved issues lingering from your past relationships, family, or childhood that you feel are present or buried in your soul. How are they affecting your current relationship?
Loss or Grief: Love can also be disappointing when it is accompanied by loss or grief, such as the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, or unrequited love. These experiences can be deeply painful and challenging to navigate.
Describe any time, person, or place you have experienced loss. How has this remained to be part of your soul? How do you deal with grief and loss?
It’s important to recognize that experiencing disappointment in love is a normal and natural part of the human experience.
While disappointing experiences in love can be difficult to navigate, they can also provide opportunities for growth, self-reflection, and learning. By acknowledging and processing these feelings, individuals can work towards healing, resilience, and ultimately, finding more fulfilling and satisfying relationships in the future.
Dealing with relationships and disappointment can be difficult and overwhelming but you are not alone! If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com
Speaking Truth,
