Personal boundaries and self-esteem go hand in hand.
Taking responsibility for your own actions and not blaming others for your screw ups are vitally important. This means you can make your own choices and if people don’t agree with your choices, it does not make you change your mind or actions. Confident people trust themselves as well as their decisions. They don’t blame others or make excuses for their choices. People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries.
Another way is to think of boundaries in terms of identity.
When you question your actions or base your choices on what others might want, you are setting yourself up for what might end in a train wreck, disappointment, or being blamed for a stupid choice. When you are not clear in your own thoughts and emotions, you tend to spend a lot of waisted time and energy on trying to decide who is responsible for what, who’s at fault, why you’re doing what you’re doing—you never develop a solid identity for yourself. Without a sound self-identity, you may be seen as being weak, insecure, uncertain, or undefined.
These are the same individuals who sit in my office and whine about being taken advantage of, not heard, disrespected, or blamed for others actions.
Social approval has sadly become the core issue eating away of the majority of kids and teens who come see me.
In my opinion, social media is poisoning our kids beginning at an early age. Their self-esteem is based on approval of what they are hearing and seeing on-line. They acquire their ideas, ideas, opinions, and identity from not only from society but even worse from the fictitious fabricated BS they consume themselves in. Kids, teens and a lot of adults are embedded deeply in the trenches of obtaining their self-worth from external approval and not themselves, creating a full blow needy individual with little or no self-resect nor self-esteem.
Boundaries are actually good for you!
Not only do personal boundaries boost your self-esteem and bolster your sense of identity, they also make life a hell of a lot easier.
- You don’t let people take advantage of you.
- You never have to fix other people’s problems, unless you truly want to.
- You are not the “go to” person who people dump on you over and over again and are not there when you need them.
- You don’t sit around wasting time overthinking, worrying, assuming or beating yourself up over things your family, partner, friends, peers, or colleagues do.
- You are not involved in the BS drama that you once thought was normal.
In our next article, we will address personal boundaries in the family dynamic. Crappy personal boundaries in intimate relationships generally mean you struggle with the same crappy boundaries with your family relationships. CLICK HERE to read more.
Interested in more? I would love to meet to you! Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | firstname.lastname@example.org
CRT, CCDC, CACC | Counselor & Life Coach