Although women can be incredibly different, there is one common denominator we share when it comes to what we desire from a partner…A sense of connection.
The meaning of connection tends to be subjective when examining relationships. A disconnection many times is labeled as a “gut feeling” by women explaining, “something is just not right”. Commonly, feeling alienated, distant, detached, or even abandoned.
“Connection” is a term used to describe various forms of bonds, relationships, or associations between individuals. It can encompass different aspects of human interaction and can be understood in several contexts:
- Emotional Connection: Emotional connection refers to the bond formed between individuals based on shared emotions, empathy, and understanding. It often involves feeling a deep sense of closeness and attachment to someone, whether it’s in a romantic relationship, friendship, or family. Emotional connection is many times difficult to describe in words and felt deeply.
- Interpersonal Connection: Interpersonal connection refers to the quality of interactions and relationships between people. It involves effective communication, mutual respect, and a sense of rapport. Building positive interpersonal connections is essential for healthy relationships and social well-being. This connection generally grabs the meaning of quality friendships, family relationships, social events, and volunteering in the community.
- Physical Connection: Physical connection can refer to physical intimacy or closeness between individuals, often associated with romantic or sexual relationships. It includes physical touch, affection, and sexual compatibility. Most women require intimacy to happen “out of the bedroom” and will shut down sexually when they do not feel their partner has exhibited “effort” in fulfilling their needs out of the bedroom.
- Intellectual Connection: Intellectual connection pertains to the sharing of ideas, thoughts, and interests. It involves engaging in stimulating conversations, having similar intellectual pursuits, and feeling a mental connection with someone. Bonding on an intellectual level breeds conversation stimulating to both partners.
- Spiritual Connection: Spiritual connection involves a sense of shared values, beliefs, or spiritual practices. It can be important in forming connections with others who share similar spiritual or philosophical perspectives. A spiritual connection is something shared but begins within. Couples do not need to agree with the others beliefs but need to be able to discuss such without judgment and the desire to change their partner.
- Social Connection: Social connection refers to a person’s sense of belonging and inclusion within a group or community. It involves forming relationships with others and feeling part of a larger social network. Women need their partner to support and encourage them to become involved in an activity they enjoy. Encouragement means to assist your partner in taking over the duties for the kids, finding your own hobby, and not whining or complaining about them being gone.
Discouraging this social connection with women will only lead to excuses, blaming their partner, or acquiring a sense of resentment.
- Professional Connection: In a professional context, connection often relates to networking and forming relationships with colleagues, mentors, or industry peers. These connections can lead to career opportunities and growth. Women will beat a dead horse when it comes to discussing work and the drama that comes along with it. In this case, just listen with appropriate boundaries. One of the worst things you can respond to your female partner is, “Then just quit”. Remember, you can’t fix this one. If you do try, in the end it will be your fault when it all goes south.
- Online Connection: With the rise of the internet and social media, “online connection” refers to relationships and interactions that occur through digital platforms. This includes friendships, professional networks, and social interactions conducted online. This can be the death of a relationship when abused, misused, or takes priority in the relationship. Limit YOUR time on your phone and agree on what the two of you will do concerning devices. Meaning, put the phones away after a certain time each evening. No phones at dinner. No phones when the other is talking. Etc.
Let’s face it, most women want a solid secure foundation with their partner… many times, difficult for them to describe. Women at times can be accused of being needy, nagging, demanding, unhappy, selfish, disengaged, asexual, uninterested, or controlling by their partners. Most of the time, the root of the issue is feeling disconnected from their partner.
Many men on the other hand feel connection with their partner through (you guessed it) the various acts related to sexual encounters. Although neither partner is right or wrong, the foundational connection ceases to exist in the relationship.
Newsflash! Women are not looking for perfection.
They desire to be heard or “understood” and effort to be shown. To a woman, effort exhibits commitment to the relationship.
Women, like men, may describe intimacy in various ways based on their experiences, cultural differences, family backgrounds, needs, and perspectives. Intimacy is a complex concept that can encompass emotional, physical, and relational aspects. Women have a tendency to view intimacy and connection as a behavior, leading them to a feeling. What behavior does a partner exhibit? Has their partner actually listened to their words, understood what they were saying, and followed through with trying (even a little bit) by fulfilling their needs?
When women describe intimacy, they may focus on the following elements:
- Emotional Connection: Many women emphasize the importance of emotional intimacy, which involves a deep, meaningful, and often vulnerable connection with their partner. It includes sharing thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities, as well as feeling heard, understood, and valued. Spending “quality time together” commonly means talking.
- Trust and Vulnerability: Women often associate intimacy with trust and the ability to be vulnerable with their partner. Being able to open up, share fears, insecurities, and personal experiences, and knowing that their partner will respect and support them, is a significant aspect of intimacy. Again, discussions and sharing feelings hits the jackpot here.
- Effective Communication: Communication is a key component of intimacy. Women may describe intimacy as the ability to communicate openly, honestly, and without fear of judgment. This includes having meaningful conversations, active listening, and feeling safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Yep, talking without your phone in your hand, actually looking in their eyes, and not cutting them off.
- Physical Intimacy: Physical intimacy, which includes romantic and sexual connection, is another dimension of intimacy. Women may describe it as feeling physically close and connected with their partner through affection, touch, and sexual experiences. Commonly, this comes after the talking/conversations/sharing.
- Quality Time Together: Spending quality time together and engaging in shared activities can contribute to a sense of intimacy. Women often appreciate moments of togetherness that allow them to bond and create lasting memories. It is about the effort here. Having a activity, date, or evening planned where they don’t have to find the babysitter, make any decisions, or plan anything.
- Affection and Romance: Affectionate gestures, such as hugs, kisses, and expressions of love and appreciation, are important aspects of intimacy. Women may describe feeling closer to their partner when they experience romantic gestures and expressions of affection. This means the physical gestures, verbiage, texts, phone calls, and notes that are not used or intended to lead to sex.
- Mutual Respect: Intimacy is closely linked to mutual respect and the recognition of each other’s autonomy and boundaries. Women may describe feeling intimate with a partner who respects their wishes, values, and personal space. Listening and implementing what a woman wants goes a long way here.
- Connection on Multiple Levels: Women may emphasize the need for connection on various levels, including emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. A sense of alignment in these areas can contribute to a deeper sense of intimacy. Yes, we all know it…women want connection on ALL LEVELS but normally they will appreciate any connection they can receive.
- Shared Dreams and Goals: Feeling aligned in terms of life goals, plans, and aspirations can create a sense of intimacy. Women may describe intimacy as sharing a vision for the future with their partner. Working towards a common goal where it has been discussed and agreed upon with their partner.
- Security and Comfort: Feeling secure, emotionally and physically, is a crucial aspect of intimacy. Women often describe intimacy as feeling safe, both in terms of emotional support and physical presence, when they are with their partner. This is established when the list mentioned above has been intentionally strived for.
It’s important to remember that women, like men, have diverse perspectives and preferences when it comes to intimacy. Let’s face it, women are much more complicated than men are. Men are fairly simple creatures. On the other hand, women can change their minds and mood in a matter of seconds. Although it seems the change in mood came from nowhere, the mood changes are usually created by her own overthinking, feeling disconnected or disengaged from their partner. What one woman values and describes as intimacy may differ from another’s experience. Effective communication between couples allows both partners to identify, understand and implement what makes your partner thrive in the relationship…producing more intimacy.
Dealing with a relationships can be difficult and overwhelming but you are not alone! If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
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