Is Love Enough? Navigating the Realities of Relationships
Is love enough in a relationship?
Ask anyone you know, “Is love enough to keep two individuals together in a relationship?” and you will likely get the same response from each, “No”.
When asking what they feel needs to exist with love, you will get a variety of answers but bottom line, for couples to function in a positive manner, there is much more to relationships than loving someone.
The concept of love can encompass both action and feeling, depending on how it’s understood and expressed. I personally think love is an action, yes, an action. You can hear the words, “I love you” over and over again but when the words are not accompanied by actions, it eventually prays on deaf ears. I equate the words to “I am sorry”. When said over and over again and changes are not made, the words become empty and shallow.
Love is complex.
We all agree with this statement and concept. In many cases, the feeling of love can inspire actions that demonstrate and reinforce that feeling, and those actions, in turn, can deepen the emotional bond between individuals. So, it’s not necessarily an either-or situation; rather, love often involves a complex interplay between feelings and actions. It is an intricate dance that sometimes needs to be learned, taught, recognized or realized. Sadly, sometimes the concept comes too late and one or both individuals in the relationship have drawn their line in the sand and the relationship is over.
Whether love is enough in a relationship depends on various factors, including the individuals involved, their expectations, values, and the nature of their relationship. Demonstrating love is not an innate skill we have upon birth. We learn how to show love and are modeled what else needs to take place in a healthy relationship.
There are many factors involved, while love is often considered a foundational element in a romantic relationship, feels warm and fuzzy, and the butterflies are there, it is not the sole determinant of its success.
Foundation Matters: Strengthening Your Relationship from the Ground Up
Like the foundation of a house, the foundation of a relationship should be built on solid ground. Rushing or cutting corners during construction can lead to problems down the road. Similarly, rushing into a relationship without taking the time to establish trust and understanding can lead to complications later on. Love fades quickly when there is nothing there to help sustain it.
A solid foundation in relationships is vital. A solid foundation is built on various elements that contribute to mutual trust, respect, communication, and understanding between partners. Here are some key components of a solid foundation in relationships:
Trust: Trust forms the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Partners should feel confident in each other’s reliability, honesty, and integrity. This does not mean just infidelity. Building trust requires consistency, transparency, and follow-through on commitments.
Are you trustworthy? In what ways? Do you make it a point to be trustworthy? Is being trusted in all ways important to you in the relationship? When and how have you broken trust in a relationship with a partner?
Communication: Effective communication is essential for fostering understanding, resolving conflicts, and maintaining emotional intimacy. Partners should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and respectfully. Active listening, empathy, and clear expression are key aspects of healthy communication. Judgement of your partner or having to always be right will lead to destruction.
Do you feel you communicate well with your partner? What are the ways that you have effectually communicated? What are your current habits or “go to’s” that are not working with your partner pertaining to communication? When and how have you been the culprit in your relationship breaking down communication?
Respect: Respect is subjective. Mutual respect is fundamental in a healthy relationship. Partners should value each other’s opinions, boundaries, and autonomy. Respect involves treating each other with kindness, consideration, and appreciation, even during disagreements or challenging situations. Pointing the finger at your partner does not prove to go well…” tit for tat” only creates a relationship of siblings.
Do you truly respect your partner? How do you exhibit respect? How do you not show respect? What can you change, if anything?
Shared Values and Goals: The phrase “you marry the family” emphasizes the idea that when you enter into a committed relationship or marriage with someone, you’re not just forming a partnership with that individual alone; you’re also becoming a part of their family and integrating into their familial relationships, dynamics, and traditions. Even if the family is not present, this is true. We are our childhoods and we bring them to the table of all of our relationships. The family is present, trust me. Partners who share similar values, life goals, and visions for the future are more likely to build a strong foundation in their relationship. There are enough obstacles in relationships as it is…not having similar beliefs adds strife at some time or another. Alignment in core values such as honesty, integrity, family, and spirituality can provide a sense of unity and direction in the relationship.
What are some of the shared values and goals you have with your partner? What are you different and how does this affect your relationship? Do you compromise? How can you work on this?
Emotional Intimacy: This is a tough one. We bring our pasts, experiences, thoughts, behaviors, childhoods, children, and exes into our current relationships. Even though you have been through 100 years of therapy, we still do it. Human beings are creatures of habit. We go towards what is familiar not what is comfortable. Without mindfulness, we repeat patterns and behaviors. Even the ones that have hurt us or destroyed us in some way. Emotional intimacy involves feeling emotionally connected and vulnerable with your partner. It requires trust, openness, and empathy. Partners should feel safe sharing their deepest thoughts, fears, and desires with each other without fear of judgment or rejection. People don’t feel safe when judged, yelled at, ridiculed, discounted, shut down, ignored, not heard, or humiliated. Experiencing emotional intimacy created a sense of security, belonging, and fulfillment in relationships.
Are you experiencing emotional intimacy with your partner? In what ways? Where are you personally lacking? What would you like to change about your own behaviors and actions?
Compatibility: Compatibility encompasses various aspects such as interests, personalities, communication styles, and lifestyle preferences. While differences can enrich a relationship, a solid foundation often rests on a level of compatibility that allows partners to understand and support each other’s needs and aspirations. Compatibility means you “get each other” and offer lots of grace, compassion, forgiveness, and kindness when life is difficult.
What do you and your partner share in capability? What do you feel is lacking?
Healthy Boundaries: Ugh. Boundaries are difficult. People may not like you, like what you are doing, agree with what you are doing, or understand the meaning of a boundary. Establishing and respecting boundaries is crucial for maintaining a sense of autonomy and self-respect within the relationship. Partners should communicate their boundaries clearly and honor each other’s limits, whether they relate to personal space, time, emotional needs, intimacy, personal growth, and personal needs. I have rarely had two people in a new found relationship ever even use the word, “boundary”. When we are freshly newly in love, we want to be consumed and are consumed with our new heart throb. This is dangerous and does not prove to be beneficial in any relationship. It’s called co-dependency. A discussion early in the relationship about your own personal needs, desires, and expectations will assist with the boundaries you will someday want and need.
What personal boundaries do you need or want to instill in your relationship? Where and how have you not respected your own boundaries or your partners boundaries and what did this result in?
Conflict Resolution Skills: Couples fight, in same way or another. How we fight is what gets us into trouble. Our delivery can suck and generally does unless we are mindful and learn how to resolve conflict. It is a skill and learned from way back. We generally fight or disagree based on what we got away with as children or teens. How we react or act in conflict is what worked for us as kids. Repeating this pattern is normal to us. If allowed to leave the conversation, go to our room, slam the door, cry, and not come out…guess what we do in our adult relationships? If we yell, intimidate, control, and scare people away from us as kids, it is on auto-pilot as an adult. If we are taught, we are not going to manipulate the family with our outbursts, fits, intimidation, or pouting, well, we generally don’t try it. If we witness violence, screaming, and yelling, we can resort to the same behaviors.
How have you escalated a conflict with your partner? What behaviors do you tend to resort to in order to “win” or “get even” during a conflict?
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how partners handle disagreements can significantly impact the health of the relationship. Effective conflict resolution involves active listening, empathy, compromise, and a willingness to find mutually acceptable solutions. It takes mindfulness to change what is not working for us. Change what is causing us to react in ways that only escalate the situation we find ourselves in.
What are some of the behaviors do you recognize doing from your childhood relating to conflict?
Commitment: Commitment is the dedication and willingness to invest time, effort, and resources into the relationship. Partners should prioritize the relationship and work together to overcome challenges, nurture growth, and build a shared future.
Do you feel you are fully committed to the relationship? I what ways? Are you committed to doing anything in your power to make your relationship work? Have been fully committed to your relationship in the past? How have you demonstrated commitment?
Mutual Support and Encouragement: Partners should support each other’s personal growth, aspirations, and achievements. They should celebrate each other’s successes, provide encouragement during setbacks, and offer a safe haven of support and love. This is important to incorporate into your relationship without bring threatened, intimidated, jealous, or resentful. This can be difficult at times, feeling left behind or not important. When you are supportive of your partner, you will be appreciated and valued.
When and how (even not intentional) have you not been supportive of your partner? When have you ever felt threatened by your partners success? When and how do you make an effort to support or encourage your partner verbally, physically, or by your actions?
This takes work.
Overall, a solid foundation in relationships is characterized by mutual trust, respect, communication, understanding, and shared values. This takes work, effort, identifying negative patterns within yourself, changing them, and looking at the relationship with a new found honestly about yourself.
Being able to think outside of your own arena and not making it about what your partner needs to change will change the course of the relationship. Cultivating these elements requires ongoing effort, commitment, and mutual investment from both partners. By prioritizing these aspects, couples can build a strong and enduring bond that withstands the tests of time.
When and how can you and your partner improve these skills? What do you feel needs to take place in order to clarify, discuss, and circle back around to make sure these items are valued and addressed?
Dealing with relationship issues can be difficult and overwhelming but you are not alone! If you are struggling right now, let’s talk. You can book an in-person or virtual visit.
Email or call anytime to schedule an in-person or virtual session. (817) 701-5438 | beckylennox2018@gmail.com
Speaking Truth,
